


If Loving You Is Selfish Then Baby I'm A Narcissist

by beautifulmadness13



Series: Always & Forever [1]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Family, Future Fic, Henelope friendship, Lots of tears, No Malivore, Posie Baby, Posie Wedding, Romance, This will be sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-10-17 23:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20628977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulmadness13/pseuds/beautifulmadness13
Summary: Some people think that holding on is what makes us strong, but sometimes it's being able to let go.There is no cure, the merge is inevitable, but Josie is determined to spend what could possibly be the last few years of her life doing everything she can with the woman she loves.Posie endgame but at great cost.





	1. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Welcome to my new fic. First and foremost if you've read any of my other posie stories I'm just letting you know right now that this is set in a completely different universe. This fic literally popped into my head yesterday morning, completely fleshed out, and I just had to write it. I'm warning you right now it's sad, but there is a lot of sweet moments mixed in with it.  
There will be five chapters to this fic, each chapter name corresponds with the age of the girls at that point in the story. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, I really love it.

“I missed this, I missed you.”

Penelope pulled Josie in a little tighter hearing the words fall from her mouth. They laid together under the sheets of her old bed and Josie's new one. She'd officially moved into the room a few days after Penelope had left, and knowing that part of the reason why was because she missed the raven-haired girl made Penelope's heart swell.

“I missed you too JoJo, so much.”

The witch buried her face into the top of Josie's head and breathed in the scent of honey and lilies, the brunette's signature shampoo. The feeling of their skin sliding against one another brought a kind of comfort to them both. In the dimly lit dorm, with the silence of the night (along with a small spell Josie had thrown up to create a barrier) nothing had ever felt more right.

It had been over a year since Penelope set foot in the halls of Salvatore Boarding School for the Young & Gifted. She'd thought that the night she'd left would've been the last time, the night she walked away from anything and everyone she knew. The night she walked away from _her_.

It still hurts to think about the salty tears mixed with the sweetness of Josie's lipstick, the half-truths and full confessions of undying love. It had torn Penelope apart to leave but she hadn't had another choice. Josie wasn't the person she needed to be for herself let alone for a partner. And as painful as it was, the heartbroken reaction Penelope had received upon her departure made her think that maybe it would be the push the brunette would need to finally put herself first.

That's all Penelope had ever wanted, for Josie to take care of herself. And after she'd found out about the merge that desire had only intensified. At the time Penelope had known there was no way that her then-girlfriend could stand a chance against her twin and Penelope would never forgive herself if she hadn't done everything she could to try and prepare the brunette for her upcoming battle.

Maybe she'd gone about it the wrong way; kissing MG, threatening Lizzie, swaying the election. Her 16-year-old mind had been able to rationalize all of it by saying “It's for Josie, It's all for Josie” but after having a whole year to reflect Penelope knew that excuse wasn't really adequate. Still, she wouldn't change anything she did because after she had left Josie had finally stepped out of Lizzie's shadow and had started to do things on her own. That had made the cold lonely nights in Europe a little more bearable, knowing that the girl she loved was becoming the person Penelope had always wanted her to be.

She'd gotten through her junior year at the fancy all witches school fairly unscathed. She was Penelope Park after all, but she hadn't really enjoyed it. Of course she made friends, everywhere she went people wanted to know her, be around her, that was nothing new, her aura just exuded popularity and leadership. But none of them had really meant anything to her. Her thoughts (and her heart) had been somewhere else. So when her mother informed her that she was being transferred back to the U.S Penelope had been packed and ready to leave on the next flight.

For Josie, seeing Penelope again had been almost as difficult as losing her the first time. Her mind filled with flashbacks and memories of crying herself to sleep clutching on to the pillow that Penelope had left behind. She'd be lying if she said that time had allowed her to move on, but she'd also be lying if she said she hadn't tried to despite her broken heart.

Josie had begun dating a really sweet boy a few months after the girl she loved walked out of her life. He was kind and funny and he made her feel like she was important but she always knew it couldn't last. Around four months of dating the boy had proclaimed his love for her and Josie had been left with a crushing sense of guilt. She didn't love him back, couldn't no matter how hard she tried. She was unable to give her heart to him because it already belonged to a beautiful raven-haired witch on a different continent. Josie broke up with him as gently as she could and didn't date another person after, deciding that it wouldn't be fair to let someone love her if she couldn't return the feeling.

After giving up on finding love Josie had spent most of her time training with her sister and Hope, preparing herself for the inevitability of their 22nd birthday. Caroline had returned home empty-handed after a long 5-year search spanning all of the world's shores. After their mother had come back Lizzie and Josie sat their parents down for a conversation they knew they weren't going to like. The girls had come to the difficult decision by themselves that they wanted to stop looking for a cure. They knew the chances by now of finding one were almost non-existent and if the merge was unavoidable then they wanted to spend their last few years as a family together. Of course Alaric and Caroline had not agreed but the Saltzman kids had been prepared, they'd offered their parents a compromise, if it made them feel better to continue their search then they could but only from Mystic Falls. No more extended trips around the globe, no more missed birthdays and half absent Christmases. If five years was all they had left then Lizzie and Josie wanted to cherish that time together. It wasn't an acceptance of defeat, both girls were still going to fight like hell when the time came, but it was an acceptance of fate. The merge was going to happen whether they wanted it to or not at least this way they were able to take back a little control over their lives by deciding not to let it consume them.

The only other thing Josie wanted, for what could be the last few years of her short life, was the same thing she couldn't have or at least that's what she'd thought until Penelope Park had shown up in the halls of Salvatore again. It was like her silent wish had been granted and even though it hurt to see her Josie had been determined to not let the other girl go this time.

It didn't take long, they'd both missed each other greatly, were still completely in love with each other and after only a week of Penelope being back they'd given in to what they had both been feeling. That's how they'd ended up together in Josie's room, tangled up under her cotton sheets, feeling like there was nothing in the world but them. Happy and whole for the first time in well over a year.

“Pen?”

Josie's voice was barely above a whisper not wanting to break the serenity of the space they had created. Her head resting on Penelope's chest allowed her to feel the beats of her heart and she counted them, creating a languid rhythm in her mind as the seconds passed.

“Hmm?”

Penelope's eyes had already begun to flutter closed, caught in a state between sleep and awake, she struggled to stay alert to hear whatever it was that Josie wanted to talk about. Her fingers ran up and down the brunette's back, feather-light touches tracing the bumps and curves of her spine. She didn't want to stop touching her, didn't want to fall asleep, part of her terrified that when she would awake Josie would be gone and all of this would have been a dream.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Penelope's hand stilled in the center of Josie's back and the brunette could feel her heart speed up, ruining the steady pattern she'd gotten used to hearing. The green-eyed girl took a shaky breath trying to calm the flood of panic that had broken through the carefully constructed dam she'd built in her mind to separate the tidal wave of negative thoughts from the rest of her consciousness.

It had only been a day since Josie had told her about the decision that had been made regarding the search for a cure. Penelope hadn't known how to take it. On the one hand she was just grateful that Josie even wanted her back in her life. She'd been so nervous that after coming back to Mystic Falls her ex wouldn't want anything to do with her, even worse that maybe Josie would've moved on. But she hadn't, in fact Josie had been more insistent on their reunification than Penelope herself. But at the time she hadn't known just why Josie wanted to rush back into things, she hadn't known that the siphoner was trying to cram a lifetime's worth of memories into five years. Josie was kind enough not to leave the other girl in the dark for too long though. She felt it only fair to share with Penelope just what laid ahead for her. After all, part of the reason why Penelope left in the first place was because she couldn't stand the thought of having to watch Josie die. And after Josie had told her that that might still be a very real possibility the witch had been hit with a strong temptation to leave for a second time. But she'd pushed down her feelings of fear and dread in favor of having Josie be hers again. Five years isn't a lot of time by any stretch of the imagination but Penelope knew that if she hadn't chosen to stay she would've regretted it for the rest of her life. Still, it's not something she wants to think about right now or anytime soon. No, Penelope didn't even want to think past tomorrow. Their days together might be numbered but that doesn't mean she needs to dwell on it.

“No Jo, not right now.”

And Josie understood that. It was safer to stay right here in the present, where they were both alive and content. She knew that someday soon they would have to talk about it and she was dreading that conversation. How would she be able to say goodbye to the woman she loves knowing that she really wouldn't ever see her again? Knowing that Penelope would be left to deal with the pain of her absence without her? If the roles were reversed, and Josie was grateful that they weren't, but if they were she doesn't think she would be able to handle it. Losing Penelope once was hard enough but at least she'd known that there was always a chance she could come back. When she died she wasn't coming back and Penelope would have to find a way to cope with that. So yes, Josie understood why the green-eyed girl didn't want to talk about it right now and she wasn't going to force her to. She would let them both have this moment, one of a limited number that they may have left, because it was the least she could do if it helped her girlfriend to accept what was coming.

“Okay.”

Sleep quickly claimed them both, pulling them into a dream world where the merge didn't exist and their days together weren't numbered. A world where they could be free from the chains of their reality and where their love for one another was all they needed to be safe and by each other's sides forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. This story will be mostly from Penelope's pov but we will occasionally see Josie's as well. The next chapter they will be nineteen (each chapter a year goes by) and the wedding :)
> 
> Don't forget to like/kudos  
Twitter: @pxnelopepark


	2. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so glad you all liked the first part of the story. Thank you to everyone who left a kudos/comment that means a lot <3  
Okay so we have 4 parts left guys and I think this one might be my favorite. It's time for a posie wedding! I hope you like it, enjoy :)

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

Penelope looked up from her reflection in the vanity to the white couch where her best friend and maid of honor, Hope Mikaelson, was seated. The witch shot a glare towards the other girl and Hope chuckled raising her hands in defense.

“I'm just saying there's still time to back out.”

If she were anyone else Penelope probably would've been annoyed by her comments but she knew the tribrid well enough to know when she was joking. The comical glint in her eye and the smirk across her face made Penelope roll her eyes before turning her attention back to her reflection and finishing the application of her mascara.

“Thanks, but I'm pretty sure if I tried to leave now Lizzie would put a hex on me.”

Both girls chuckled at that, knowing it wasn't far from the truth. After all, it might be Penelope and Josie's wedding but the older twin had done most of the work preparing for it and the couple had been more than happy to let her, neither really wanting to spend the time it took to plan a wedding. And Penelope definitely had not regretted that decision. Everything from the venue, to the band, to the beautifully intricate centerpieces on the tables was amazing, the blond had really outdone herself. All Josie and Penelope had to do was walk down the aisle and that much they could handle.

After graduating from Salvatore the girls had decided to do a bit of traveling. Josie had hardly seen much of Europe when they'd went to visit their mother and Penelope couldn't refuse the brunette even if she tried. It had been amazing, they stopped in Paris and climbed the Eiffel tower, flew to Venice and rode along the canal. They visited Madrid and walked through the El Retiro and finally ended the trip in Athens where Penelope proposed in the citadel Acropolis.

She'd been nervous about Josie rejecting her but she hadn't needed to be because as soon as Josie had accepted the ring she'd begun to laugh. Wondering what could have possibly been so funny at that moment, Penelope had watched in shock as Josie pulled a small black box out from her own purse. Inside was the engagement ring, she had planned to give Penelope that night after they returned to the hotel. They'd both laughed at the sweet coincidence of the situation before Penelope accepted Josie's ring too and they'd shared a kiss on the beautiful hillside unifying their love for all of Greece to see.

For some it might seem rushed, they were only 19 after all, quite young to be getting married in the eyes of western society. But for Penelope and Josie it was nothing short of perfect. Josie had made it abundantly clear to the green-eyed witch that she wanted to do everything she could with her in the limited amount of time they had. They had a lifetime's worth of experiences to try and fit into only five years, so marriage at 19 just made sense for them. Josie's family including Hope had been nothing but supportive, they agreed with every decision the two girls made as long as they were happy, that's all that mattered.

Penelope's parents however hadn't been quite as understanding at first. Their blood ran rich with old money and even older traditions and finding out that their teenage daughter was planning to get hitched just didn't line up with the life they had planned for her since before she was born. They'd been adamant that Penelope call off the engagement stating that she was being foolish, reckless and selfish but Penelope hadn't listened. Instead she gave them an ultimatum, accept that the marriage was going to happen or lose their daughter and the only heir to their dynasty forever. Penelope would not be forced to give up Josie, she'd done it once and it was not happening again. After putting her foot down she'd left her parents to come to a decision. She didn't speak to them for months, so she assumed that they wanted nothing to do with her anymore and even though it hurt like hell she accepted it because she had Josie. When it finally came time to mail out their 'save the dates' Penelope didn't even bother to send them one expecting them to just ignore it. But of course Josie, knowing all of the details of the situation, took matters into her own hands and mailed one out to the Parks along with a strongly worded letter about love and family. Penelope had been completely surprised but also immensely happy when her mother and father were among the first to RSVP.

The raven-haired witch truly couldn't ask for a more magical day. She would have not only her new family to look forward to but also her old one standing by her side, all that had been left were the wedding arrangements themselves. After Lizzie had announced that she would be Josie's maid of honour it had only made sense for Hope to step up as Penelope's. The two girls had grown quite close after Penelope had returned, igniting the flame of friendship that had been burning dimly just before she had left. They had a lot of the same interests and fairly similar personalities. They loved to make jokes at the expense of one another but were also fiercely protective over each other. They were best friends, almost sisters now and Hope had become Penelope's biggest confidant. When the witch had first decided to propose it was Hope she had dragged out with her to choose a ring and on the days when Penelope would be suddenly struck by the paralyzing fear of Josie's impending 22nd birthday it was Hope who was able to pull her back to the present.

“Hey,”

The voice of the girl in question shook Penelope from her thoughts and she realized she had been staring at the same spot on the wall in front of her for a while now, lost in the seas of her mind. Hope had moved from her spot on the couch to sit on the bench beside her and Penelope hadn't even noticed.

“Are you okay?”

She really took in the redhead's appearance for the first time and noted how pretty the other girl looked wearing the deep purple dress Lizzie had picked out for her, along with a matching one for herself of course. The color brought out the grey in her eyes and her hair was swept up and out of her face allowing you to see the elegant curve of her neck and collar bone. Taking in all of these details helped Penelope to ground herself in the moment and she met her friend's worried gaze with a small sad smile.

“Yea just thinking I guess.”

Hope nodded softly, understanding exactly what she meant. Even though this was the happiest day of Penelope's life it was still a bit bittersweet. They were 19 now, more than a full year had already flown by since she and Josie got back together, that meant they had less than four left. As much as Penelope tried to take the advice of everyone around her to “focus on the now” sometimes it wasn't that easy.

“Do you want me to help you with your hair?”

Somehow Hope always knew when to push and when not to, Penelope could kiss her for that. Right now the last thing she wanted to do was talk about the merge and the tribrid understood that without Penelope even needing to tell her. She also knew that Penelope needed a little more time to herself and her thoughts before going out to greet her guests and soon to be bride, best friends just know those things.

The witch gave a small nod and Hope stood from the bench, moving behind Penelope and beginning to finish the half-done hairstyle that the raven-haired girl had already started. Penelope closed her eyes, the feeling of Hope's fingers in her hair calming her nerves and she tried to imagine how beautiful Josie looked right then probably in a similar position somewhere else in the building with Lizzie helping her get ready.

“_Just focus on the now Penelope, focus on Josie”_

She thought to herself, and it actually helped.

~~~~~~

Standing at the alter waiting for Josie to begin her walk down the aisle, Penelope was in awe of her surroundings. Lizzie had chosen an outdoor venue in the middle of one of the most amazing gardens the witch had ever seen. Honestly it looked like something out of a fairytale, with flowers in every shade of color under the rainbow and large trees filled with branches of green that almost seemed to reach the sky. There was a pond with a small waterfall running right behind the thin platform where she stood, creating a beautiful backdrop for the photographer's pictures. Fairylights had been strung up in detailed patterns for later that evening and the aisle itself was covered in white rose petals. Truly beautiful.

Her father had already walked her to her place, Hope standing at her side and Lizzie mirroring her position across from them. All eyes had been on her when she'd entered and even though Penelope had never had any desire to be a princess, in that moment she'd felt like one. Her dress had shimmered under the light of the sun reminding her of when Lizzie had sworn off the idea of Penelope wearing a pantsuit and cape.

“It's just not happening.” She'd said simply before turning her attention back to the racks upon racks of elegant white gowns. Penelope had huffed sulking for a while until one dress in particular had caught her eye. A gorgeous creme colored ball gown with a deep v-neck and sleeveless straps. The intricate floral design is what had made her pause, the violets and greys bounced out at her shining even under the florescent lights and as cheesy as it sounds she just knew that it was her dress. And as she walked across the rose-covered grass everyone smiling at her, a nod of approval from Lizzie and a thumbs up from Hope, she knew she'd made the right decision.

Now her turn in the spotlight was over and everyone including herself was waiting patiently for the arrival of (in Penelope's mind) the most important person of the event. Her heart began to pound rapidly in her chest when finally Josie was within her line of sight. She felt her lungs deflate, letting out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Josie always looked beautiful but right now she was almost angelic, the way she glided across the petals in her white lacy gown that accentuated her figure perfectly. Her hair falling in soft waves down her shoulders and fingers clasped around a bouquet of flowers matching the ones in Penelope's hand. There were a hundred people right there with them but as soon as Josie's eyes met her own it was like everyone else disappeared and as the brunette got closer Penelope felt the grin on her face pull wider, every fiber of her being screaming to be next to the girl walking towards her. A little past halfway Alaric, who had been at his daughter's side, smiled lovingly at her before placing a kiss on her forehead and gently pushing her in the direction of her awaiting bride. As soon as Josie reached her place at the alter her hands found Penelope's and the two could barely contain their excitement.

“Friends and Family of Penelope and Josie,” MG began, yes he got ordained just for their wedding, much to the annoyance of Lizzie.

“Welcome and thank you for being here on this important day. We are gathered together to celebrate the very special love between Penelope Catherine Park and Josette Lucas Saltzman, by joining them in marriage. Now I know y'all didn't come here to listen to me talk all night so I'm going to turn this over to the two most beautiful girls here who prepared their own vows."

Everyone including the brides and Lizzie chuckled at the honesty of MG's words as he took a small step back before motioning to Josie with his hand.

“All yours Jo.”

Josie smiled at her friend mouthing the words “thank you” before setting her gaze once again on Penelope. It had taken her days to get her vows just right, rewriting them over and over again until she finally felt like they said what she wanted to express. Now it was time to put them to the test.

Taking a nervous breath, Josie paused as Penelope offered her hands a supportive squeeze and even though she didn't say a word Josie felt like she could read the other girl's mind.

“_Just focus on me JoJo, we're all that matters.”_

She felt herself relax and as she did everything else seemed to melt away until it was just the two of them standing there together.

“Penelope, I have loved you for almost as long as I've known you and at this point I don't even remember what my life was like before you entered into it. We were so young, only 15, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into at the time but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that we were going to be something special. We've been through so much together, had more than our fair share of shitty experiences but even when we thought it was really over somehow we found our way back to each other. You're my soulmate Pen, the love of my life and no matter where we go or how far apart we are that will never change. I want to thank you for coming on this journey with me even though we have no idea what lies ahead, you're willing to risk it all to be with me and I can't help but feel like the luckiest person in the world to have you at my side from this day forward until my last. I love you Penelope more than words can describe and I can't wait to be able to call you my wife.”

Tears streamed down every face in the audience, the wedding party and the brides themselves but all Penelope could hear and see was Josie. The words she'd just spoken touched the green-eyed girl's heart and the love she could feel pouring out of them was enough to make her tears fall even faster. Josie thanked her for staying even after finding out about the merge, she thanked _her_. _“Ridiculous,”_ Penelope thought _“I should be the one thanking you for taking me back.”_

She wanted nothing more than to grab Josie into her arms and kiss her hard enough to wipe away any guilt, pain or sadness that either of them might be feeling. But it wasn't quite time for that yet, it was however time for Penelope to share her own carefully crafted letter of love. She was nervous because she felt like nothing she could possibly say could express how she felt about the brunette, no words seemed adequate enough, but before she knew it her lips were moving and sounds were coming out. If you asked Penelope afterwards how she had decided just what to write she wouldn't have the faintest idea. Because even though she knew there were words coming out of her mouth, complete sentences in fact, she couldn't hear any of it. She was so lost in the woman in front of her that her brain had just gone to autopilot. Whatever she said though must have been good because after she finished everyone was still crying and Josie, well Josie was looking at her as if Penelope had just placed the moon and all of its stars in the sky just for her.

MG started to speak again soon after but neither girl was really paying any attention, both inching closer and closer towards each other as the ceremony progressed, eager to just hold one another again. This was it, their last few moments before they were truly each other's forever. Regardless of what might happen a few years down the line, nothing could ever take this away from them. It wasn't until she heard the words “you may now kiss your bride” that Penelope finally snapped out of her trance. Leaning forward to meet Josie halfway, their lips touched in a kiss that solidified their partnership and unification under the eyes of whatever God may be watching and in their own hearts.

_Till death do we part_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you thought. I really love henelope friendship and you will see a bit more of that coming up, also did you like the wedding? I tried to make it as sweet as I could, it's what they deserve :)
> 
> Don't forget to kudos/comment  
Twitter: @pxnelopepark


	3. Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it to chapter 3, the halfway mark. Thank you again for the support <3 This chapter has a lot of tears and angst so get ready for that. Also henelope is back because I love them so much even though they only had like 3 seconds of screen time together.  
Alright, this chapter is like twice as long as the other two so I hope you all enjoy :)

“Happy birthday Mrs. Saltzman.”

Penelope sat in bed watching her wife begin to wake up. She'd tried to let the brunette sleep in but she'd gotten restless and missed her. Even though she was right next to her, it wasn't the same when she was asleep.

Josie groaned stretching her arms above her head and her eyes began to crack open. Seeing Penelope sitting cross-legged, in only her underwear, with a cupcake and lit candle in her hand she couldn't help but smile.

“Well thank you Mrs. Saltzman.”

Her voice, still thick with sleep, was deeper than usual and sent a shiver down Penelope's spine as she rolled her eyes but smiled at the use of their shared last name. When it came to choosing who was going to take after who the decision for Penelope had been easy and Josie just simply hadn't refused, happy that her new wife wanted to keep her name. For Penelope it was more about always having a little piece of Josie with her.

Josie's birthdays were hard on them both, every one that passed was another closer to the dreaded 22. It would be so easy to just try and ignore them, pretend like it was just another day, but Josie deserved better than that. She deserved a celebration of her life. So they'd decided as a couple that they would not let thoughts of the merge plague them on this date. They would try their best to pretend like Josie was just any other girl, like her days weren't numbered.

“Where's my birthday kiss?”

Josie was fully awake now and pushed herself up onto her elbows smiling when Penelope leaned in to press their lips together softly. It was the quiet moments like these that they treasured the most, when it was just the two of them, comfortable and happy.

“I brought you a cupcake.”

Penelope stated after breaking apart. She pushed the sugary sweet baked good towards Josie and the brunette giggled. She was reminded of the time Penelope had shown up outside of hers and Lizzie's dorm years ago with a cake in each hand for the two of them. What was it Lizzie had called her at the time? Satan in a crop top? Regardless it had become a part of their little tradition, Penelope would always wake her up with a cupcake and a candle to start her day. Josie thought it was cute.

“Make a wish.”

Penelope was still holding on to the small treat when Josie closed her eyes and after a minute of quiet thought, blew out the candle. When she looked up again the raven-haired witch was still smiling, she placed the cupcake on the nightstand before laying down and throwing her arms around Josie's waist.

They laid like that for a while, each thinking about different things related to this particular day. For Penelope it was the fact that she officially only had two years left before she might lose her wife but for Josie it was something else entirely.

“What did you wish for?”

Penelope asked quietly, her hand finding Josie's and entangling their fingers.

“I mean, you don't have to tell me. In case you're scared it might not come true.”

Josie could hear the smirk in the witch's voice. She pinched the other girl's side lightly causing Penelope to try and shift away but Josie just tightened her hold on her until her wife settled again, both girl's laughing lightly.

“Actually,” The brunette started to speak after another moment had passed. The hesitation in her voice was noted and Penelope gave all of her attention to the siphoner.

“If I don't tell you what I wished for then it definitely won't come true.”

Josie paused again and Penelope was left to lay there in confusion. _What could she possibly want that could make her so nervous to tell me? _She thought quietly to herself before sitting up halfway and looking down at her wife. Josie looked worried, scared even and she chewed on her bottom lip, not making eye contact.

“Hey, babe what's going on?”

Penelope spoke softly, reaching her hand out to gently turn Josie's face towards her own. She stroked the other girl's cheek lightly until she finally let her poor lip go and met her gaze.

“I don't want you to hate me or to think I'm being selfish.”

Penelope's heart broke seeing how nervous Josie was about whatever was on her mind.

“Baby I could **never** hate you. And besides, I thought we already decided a long time ago that I'm the selfish one.”

The raven-haired girl smiled and Josie shook her head chuckling at the memory of her 16th birthday and also just how wrong she'd been at the time. Penelope was the most selfless person she knew, even more so than herself at times, and what she was going to ask her for next was going to truly challenge that.

In Penelope's mind though there was nothing Josie could possibly ask her for that she wouldn't immediately try and give her.

“I want a baby.”

Except for that.

Penelope pulled her hand away from Josie's face then, sitting up completely and putting a bit of distance between them. Josie sat up as well but seeing how her wife had moved away from her, she didn't try to get closer knowing that would only cause Penelope to pull back more.

“W-what?”

Honestly the raven-haired witch thought that she'd misheard the other woman. There was no way that Josie had just said what she thought she said.

“I want to have a baby with you.”

Well she definitely hadn't misheard it that time. Penelope's eyes widened, she looked like a deer caught in the headlights and for a moment Josie thought she was going to try and make a run for it.

Penelope could feel her heart beginning to race and the beats were so loud she could hear them pounding in her ears. A baby? She wants a baby? Of course when they were young and naive, before either girl had even the faintest idea about the merge, way back when they were only 15 and hidden away under the duvet of Penelope's bed they'd spoken in half whispers about a future with each other. That future had included the possibility of kids but all of that had been torn away the second reality had slapped them in the face with Josie's imminent death at only 22. Josie hadn't even brought up the idea of babies since they'd gotten back together, Penelope had assumed they weren't even on her radar. And how could they be? She might only have two years left to live! What kind of person want's to bring a child into the world knowing that they might be half orphaned before their 2nd birthday?

Josie inched a little closer.

“Pen-”

“No.”

Penelope cut her off abruptly, her voice loud and sharp almost like a slap to Josie.

“What?”

The brunette sat back in her spot as Penelope looked straight into her eyes, a steely expression across her face.

“I said No Josie.”

She should've anticipated this, should've known that this could be one of Penelope's reactions, Josie had just been hoping for the best. She'd hoped that the raven-haired girl would be able to see things her way without a fight. Obviously that wasn't going to be the case.

“Are you serious? Just like that?”

“I don't know what you expected me to say.”

Penelope stood up from the bed moving to the other side of the room and pulling open the dresser. Digging through her t-shirts she pulled one out and started to change right there. Josie just stared at her in disbelief. The conversation wasn't going to end just because Penelope wanted it too.

“Well I thought we could at least talk about it before you just shot it down completely.”

The green eyed girl slammed the dresser drawer shut before spinning to face her wife who still hadn't moved from the bed.

“Talk about what Jo!?”

Her voice was starting to rise and Josie couldn't help but flinch at the harshness of her tone. But Penelope barely noticed, she was almost shaking with frustration at this point.

“About us having a kid together? About us getting to watch that kid grow up, start to walk, go to school and graduate? About us getting to grow old and have a full life together? Because I don't know if you've realized it yet Josie but that might not be our reality!”

Who did she think she was talking to? Of course Josie knew all of that. Was Penelope really that shallow that she thought the brunette hadn't even considered any of these facts before bringing this up?

Josie ran her hand through her hair exasperatedly before fixing her wife with a pointed glare.

“God Penelope don't you think I know that!? Don't you think I've thought about my death every day since you told me about the merge? About the fact that I might not have that much time left with you?!”

Penelope was still pissed but hearing Josie talk about her own death was a breaking point for her. It was one thing for her to think about it but hearing it out loud from the lips of the woman she loved was just too much. Penelope sunk back onto the bed feeling tired and defeated. She looked at Josie, tears welling up in her eyes and let out a small sigh.

“Then why JoJo? Why would you ask me for something like that?”

She raised her shoulders in question before letting them drop down, a tear slipping across her cheek,

“Why would you ask me to have a baby with you knowing that there's a good chance that I'll be left by myself to raise them? How could you ask me to do that? As if losing you won't already be hard enough.”

Nothing broke Josie more than watching Penelope cry. The green-eyed witch was always so strong, it was rare for her to be this vulnerable and it only ever happened when Josie did something to break her heart. Immediately the brunette pulled her wife into her chest, shushing her and holding her close as tears of her own began to build.

“Because Pen, I _am_ selfish. Because I've wanted to have a family with you since we were fifteen. Because I know that you'll be an amazing mother with or without me. And because- because I don't want to die without leaving a piece of me behind.”

She could feel Penelope beginning to shake as quiet sobs racked her small frame and both girls gripped onto each other even tighter. Josie buried her face in Penelope's hair, her voice barely more than a murmur as she continued to talk through her tears,

“Because I know you Penelope, better than I know myself, and I know that if I'm not the one who makes it out of that merge alive then you might shutdown. Then you might decide to just give up, to stop living and I won't be here to make you. And I can't leave you knowing that's how you might end up.”

Josie pulled back slightly and lifted Penelope's face to look at her own. Scared green eyes stared back at her and gently Josie began to wipe away the other girl's tears, the way Penelope had wiped away hers all those years ago. She smiled at her wife softly before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. As the tears stopped flowing and both women were able to catch their breath and calm themselves down Josie took Penelope's hand in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“But I know that as long as you have somebody depending on you that you won't allow yourself to just waste away, you care too much and love too hard to let yourself do something like that. I know that if you have a baby, our baby, that you'll force yourself to keep living for them and maybe eventually someday you'll start living for you.”

~~~~~~

“A kid?”

“Yea.”

“Really?”

“Yea.”

“Wow, I mean I guess I always did see Josie as the nurturing type.”

“I know, so have I.”

“So what are you gonna do?”

“I have no idea.”

Penelope was a few feet away from Hope both girls lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling of the tribrid's bedroom.

After their argument the wives had agreed on taking a bit of time apart to cool down, Josie going to see her sister and Penelope immediately reaching out to the Mikaelson whose response had been for Penelope to come to her house. As soon as she'd walked through the door Hope could tell the witch had been crying and without a word had offered her a hug before guiding her to the carpeted floor of her room. That was an hour ago. They'd laid in silence for a while before Penelope had finally begun to open up and talk about the events of the day.

“Well,”

Penelope turned her head to look at the other girl as she spoke, Hope meeting her gaze.

“Do you want a baby?”

It was a good question and one that Penelope had known the answer to since she was a little girl.

“Yes.”

She said it without hesitation and Hope offered her an encouraging smile.

“Do you want a baby with Josie?”

Again Penelope didn't even have to think about it, her answer was a million times over YES. But it wasn't that easy. Hope could tell what she was thinking from the way Penelope's normally vibrant green eyes began to fade. She reached out across the carpet and took her best friend's hand into her own.

“Hey, it's gonna be okay.”

Her words were sweet but not exactly what Penelope needed to hear right then. She needed someone to tell her what to do.

“I don't want to be the bitch who tells her wife that we can't have a kid. I don't want to let her down. If the merge wasn't a thing I would give Josie all the babies she could possibly want but right now I just...”

Penelope let herself trail off and Hope sighed. It was so unfair that this was the position her friends found themselves in. They were good people, they deserved a chance at a normal life. Marriage, kids, growing old together, Hope wished more than anything that they would be able to have all of that. Unfortunately fate hadn't cared about what was fair or who deserved what, sometimes good people are dealt a shitty hand, Hope understood that better than most.

“You're scared Pen and you have every right to be. Shit if I were you I'd probably have run away screaming a long time ago.”

That wasn't true and they both knew it. Hope was too loyal to ever leave the people she loved behind, still the thought put a tiny smile on Penelope's face and the tribrid counted that as a small win.

“I just don't want to be left alone with a kid, with Josie's kid. What if I fuck it up Hope? I would never be able to forgive myself.”

A tear rolled down Penelope's cheek and she was a little surprised that she had any left in her after this morning. Hope sat up and crawled over to the witch, moving Penelope's head into her lap, she started to run her fingers through her hair in the way she knew always calmed her down.

“I can't tell you what to do Pen, that's something you have to decide on your own. But whatever you choose make sure you're doing it for you. Don't force yourself to have a baby just because you're scared of disappointing Josie. And at the same time don't hold yourself back from starting a family with her, if that's what you want, on the chance that you might lose her.”

Penelope looked up at the other girl's face, a mixture of fear, worry (and possibly excitement?) in her eyes, Hope gave her a small smile.

“And please don't be scared of having to go through anything alone. No matter what happens you'll always have me and honestly, I think I'd make a pretty cool aunt.”

Penelope burst out laughing at the unexpected self compliment and Hope found herself laughing along too.

“Yea Hope the coolest.”

~~~~~~

It had only taken Penelope a matter of days after her conversation with Hope to reach a decision on whether or not she and Josie would have a child together. It seemed that, much like every other situation in their lives, Penelope just simply couldn't say no and after telling her wife the verdict both women had been overjoyed.

Then came the hard part, deciding how they would have a baby. Josie had already figured this out but she hadn't wanted to tell Penelope until she was sure the other girl was completely onboard. While Penelope had been blissfully unaware of Josie's desire for a family, Josie herself had been busy looking up different spells with the help of Lizzie that would allow her and Penelope to have a child that was genetically theirs.

She had been hesitant at first to pass on her genes, scared that she might unintentionally give the child the Gemini curse, but the spell in question could actually separate human biology from supernatural biology. Because Josie's dad was human while her mother had been a witch the spell would essentially take out her human parts while leaving behind her witch and the curse.

They'd decided together that Penelope would carry the baby (well Josie had asked her to and Penelope had said yes) because Josie still spent a lot of time training with Hope and Lizzie, she was worried what effect that would have on a pregnancy. Part of her was also worried that if the baby lived in her womb for nine months that it might somehow pick up some of her Gemini blood. Even though Hope had told her it was extremely unlikely, she hadn't wanted to risk it.

So that's how Penelope found herself several weeks into her pregnancy, which had happened remarkably fast thanks to magic and all. It hadn't been easy for her at first. She was so nervous to bond with their baby, scared that she might somehow ruin them before they were even born. The first four months had felt like the longest period of her short life.

Josie of course had been ecstatic, running around with Lizzie and Caroline buying every baby item they could get their hands on and going absolutely nuts over each sonogram. Hope was happy too although she was a lot more relaxed about it, especially after she noticed how withdrawn the green-eyed witch seemed to be when it came to the life growing in her stomach. But Penelope was happy, really happy, she was just equally scared and that kind of overshadowed her bliss.

It wasn't until the twenty-week scan when the doctor told them they were having a little boy that things started to change for the raven-haired girl. Suddenly it wasn't just a baby anymore, he was their son, Josie's son, a piece of her that Penelope would always have even after she was gone. The witch still wasn't nearly as baby crazy as the others but finally she was able to sit back and enjoy the thought of starting a family with her wife without feeling absolutely terrified.

~~~~~~

Penelope felt herself being slowly pulled from sleep by the soft whispers of a voice she would know anywhere.

“Hi baby, it's me, your mommy.”

She listened closely but didn't dare open her eyes as Josie spoke quietly to her rounded belly where their son lay inside only eight weeks away from his due date. This wasn't the first time the brunette had done this, though usually, it was during the day time when they were both awake. Penelope could feel the gentle press of Josie's hands against her middle and almost jumped when the baby kicked back.

Josie chuckled before softly shushing the unborn child.

“Hush now, don't wake your mama up sweetie, she needs to sleep.”

She smiled when her son seemed to listen to her and didn't kick again. Josie would often tell her wife that the baby could hear and recognize their voices, that he knew they were his mothers even from inside her. Penelope hadn't believed her at first but after seeing how their son would almost seem to react by moving whenever the brunette spoke or sang to him, she had started to think that maybe the siphoner was telling the truth.

“I wanted to talk to you about a few things, I thought maybe you could help me out. Do you think you could do that baby?”

The green-eyed girl almost smiled at the sweetness of her wife as Josie waited patiently for a moment as if the infant in her womb would actually respond before carrying on.

“Okay awesome. So first things first, you, my sweet little boy, still need a name. Your mama and I haven't been able to agree on anything yet and honestly I blame a big part of that on your aunties. They have terrible taste and keep trying to sway our decision.”

The baby gave a gentle kick as if he was talking back and Josie nodded.

“I know right? The nerve they have to think they get any say in what we pick.”

If Penelope weren't still “asleep” she would've rolled her eyes at how silly but accurate the brunette was. Hope and Lizzie both had been offering up name suggestions on an almost daily bases since they'd found out the baby's gender but neither she or Josie had liked any of them.

It wasn't until they had to do it themselves that they had realized, naming a human is hard! Whatever they chose he would be stuck with for the rest of his life (or at least until he was 18) and that's a huge responsibility to take on without even knowing his personality yet or seeing what he would grow up to look like. They were just supposed to choose something at random and hope that it fits. And so far they hadn't had any luck.

“What do you think about Ryan?”

_No thanks_ Penelope thought and it seemed like their son agreed because he didn't move. They'd probably have more luck flipping a coin and letting someone else decide.

“Okay not a Ryan. What about Liam?”

_Meh not the worst but could be better_ and again the baby didn't respond.

Josie thought hard for a moment her fingers tapping lightly on the spot the baby had last kicked.

“Hmm, Bryce?”

_Eww hard pass_ Penelope felt like she could hear the unborn child silently begging her to name him anything but that. _I promise I won't let her anywhere near your birth certificate with that name in mind._

“Forget it you're right that one's awful." 

Josie shrugged and silence fell over the darkened room.

"I guess we'll just have to name you Baby then.”

At this point that was as good a name as any but honestly, she wasn't too concerned. They'd find one they all liked eventually, as soon as they heard it they would know.

It almost seemed like the brunette had finished her little conversation for the night and Penelope had started to drift back to sleep when after a few minutes Josie started to speak again. 

“I still need to talk to you about one more thing honey then I promise mommy will let you sleep. This is almost as important as your name. It's about your mama.”

The witch's ears perked up hearing Josie begin to speak about her and to their son no less. She was starting to understand why her wife had waited until nightfall to talk to the baby, she almost felt like she was intruding on a private moment by listening. It would be so easy for her to just slip back into her previous dream state and pretend like she hadn't heard a word but now her curiosity had been provoked.

“You don't know it yet but your birthday will arrive only a year before a really big thing that's going to happen in our family.”

The raven-haired girl felt her breathing begin to quicken. Was Josie really going to try and teach the baby about the merge before he'd even opened his eyes? This was not going to be something she wanted to hear but still she forced herself to keep listening.

“That day and all of the days after are going to be really hard for your mama because there's a chance that I might not come back home.”

Josie felt a few tears threatening to fall but tried her best to hold them back as she took in the sight of her beautiful “sleeping” wife and the precious life that she carried inside of her. The thought of leaving them was nearly enough to destroy her but she knew that when the time came she might not have a choice. That wouldn't make it any less difficult.

“She's going to need you so much. And sometimes she'll pretend like she doesn't, she'll pretend like she's fine. But that's just because of how stubborn she is.”

The siphoner let out a soft laugh thinking about her small but always adamant wife. She and Hope were like a tiny powerful duo when they were together. They proved that size really means nothing when you're a total badass.

“She's fiery and quick-tempered but I know you'll have her wrapped around your tiny fingers in no time."

The thought of actually seeing Penelope with their baby in her arms was a dream that Josie had used to think might not ever come true. She hadn't been lying when she'd told the other girl that she'd been hoping to have a family with her since they were teens. Now that it was becoming a reality she couldn't help but feel like she'd been given the greatest gift in the world and it was all thanks to the woman lying in front of her.

"Your mother is so kind, and generous. She has the biggest heart out of anyone I know and she'll always love you no matter what because you will be the most important thing in her life. She's incredibly strong, stronger than I'll ever be and God baby I hope you grow up to be just like her because she is an amazing woman.”

Penelope listened to every word of praise that slipped from Josie's mouth and she wished that she could blame it on the hormones when her eyes began to water but she knew that wasn't exactly the truth. Everything she was saying the witch felt like she could repeat right back because it was all true for the brunette as well. In Penelope's eyes, there was no one more perfect than Josette Saltzman and she would be willing to fight anyone who tried to tell her otherwise.

“So sweetie I need you to promise me that even if I'm gone, you'll take care of her. That you'll help her to keep going even when she feels like giving up. I need you to be her strength when she gets tired and her support when she feels alone. I need you to be there for her when I can't because she is the most important thing in my life right next to you.”

The siphoner gazed lovingly at the green-eyed witch before looking back at her belly, at her son. A few of her tears fell as she spoke but Josie didn't pay them any attention. Slowly she began to make gentle circles over her wife's stomach, still trying to be careful not to wake her up.

“Do you think you can do that for me Casey baby?”

Three hard kicks followed in quick succession and this time Penelope couldn't hold back her gasp. Her eyes fluttered open and Josie chuckled again.

“Well, I'm glad we could come to an agreement.”

She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss over the place he'd just kicked before looking up to meet the other woman's stare.

“Hey.”  
She whispered sheepishly and Penelope smiled.

“Hey, come here.”

Josie crawled back up to the top of the bed, wrapping one arm protectively around her wife's middle before laying her head on Penelope's chest.

The pregnant witch placed a soft kiss to her temple before settling with the brunette against her. She wasn't going to bring up Josie's deal with their unborn son, it hurt her heart to even think that there may come a day when he might have to follow through with it. The thought of losing the siphoner while she was still carrying their child was just too much for Penelope so for now she would choose to ignore it. She would choose to pretend that they still had many years to look forward to as a family.

“So Casey huh?”

Josie grinned knowing the other woman had heard and felt their baby's reaction to the name as well. A simple slip of the tongue but it had felt completely natural.

“What do you think?”

Penelope let out a small content sigh, focusing on nothing but the present, her wife and their little boy. She moved her own hand to rest on top of Josie's already on her stomach and thought for a moment.

“I think it's perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? I know it's heavy on the angst but that's kind of the point ;)  
I hope you liked it, the next chapter will be about the three of them as a family and Lizzie will be making an appearance.  
Only 2 parts left!
> 
> Don't forget to kudos/comment  
Twitter: @pxnelopepark


	4. Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long my real life has been busy but let's finish this story
> 
> The girl's are 21 now, this chapter has multiple time jumps and shows both Josie and Penelope's pov's. You'll also get to see how Lizzie is dealing with all of this finally. It's sad but not as sad as the previous chapter imo and we get the posie baby!  
Enjoy!

When Penelope was 16 and Hope had flung her through the air and into a box of dance canes while under the influence of mind-controlling slugs the witch had thought there was no pain worse than the backache she'd had for days afterward. Boy was she wrong. Labor was like nothing the young woman had ever felt before. The pain was unbelievable and no amount of lamaze breathing technique was going to make her feel better.

“Holy shit this hurts! Josie, I'm done, after this if you want another one we can adopt!”

Penelope was drenched in her own sweat and a little delirious at this point with her legs spread and multiple people waiting at the end of her hospital bed with towels to catch whatever came flying out of her. A baby, right that's what they'd told her but right now she was seriously doubting that a human child was inside of her. It had to be a demon or some other kind of supernatural creature that was making it hurt this freaking bad.

Josie stood next to her wife offering whatever support she could as she watched Penelope work incredibly hard to bring their baby into the world. She held back a laugh at the other woman's words knowing that now was not the time for humor. She brushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen out of the witch's messy bun and squeezed her clammy hand in her own.

“That's fine sweetheart, you're doing amazing. Just keep going Pen you've got this.”

The brunette felt a little guilty that Penelope was in so much pain but she knew that once the child was born that it would all melt away. They'd have their son and that's all that would matter.

“Here comes another contraction, alright Mrs. Saltzman I'm going to need you to start pushing again.”

Penelope let out a low groan and moved to help the nurses adjust her into a sitting position. Whoever said that giving birth was like trying to push a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon was a liar. It felt more like she was trying to get an elephant through a keyhole and the harder she tried the more exhausted she became. But Josie was right, she could do this. She had to do this, it was too late to go back now the kid was already almost here. So grinding her teeth together and gathering every bit of strength she had left Penelope started to bear down and push with Josie at her side cheering her on.

“We've got a head ladies and gentleman!”

The nurses started moving around quickly, suctioning out the baby's airway and helping him to turn so Penelope could get the rest of his body out.

“Does he look alright? Is he cute JoJo?”

Now Josie did not consider herself a squeamish person, blood and anything else like it doesn't usually upset her. She's been shot before, covered in mutant spider guts and developed giant pustules after being stung by demon wasps. All this to say that normally she could handle a lot but there was something about seeing another living person coming out of her wife that really made her feel a little queazy. So she'd avoided looking at the bottom of the bed for the majority of Penelope's labor, choosing to stay by her head instead. But now that Penelope was asking her to look she couldn't say no. The poor woman was going through hell to get this baby here the least she could do was tell her if the kid looked okay so far.

Quickly Josie peaked her head between the raven-haired girl's legs and after closing her eyes for a moment to stop from fainting she turned to her wife and offered her a tight-lipped smile. _Miracle of childbirth my ass _she thought to herself.

“Everything looks great babe.”

That seemed to be the last bit of motivation that Penelope needed because a second later she was pushing again. And as a scream erupted from the back of her throat that was loud enough to wake the coma patients on the fifth floor, the baby slipped the rest of the way out.

She didn't remember how her son had appeared on top of her chest, red-faced and covered in God knows what, but she did remember the immediate relief she'd felt when the doctors told them that he was completely healthy. Ten fingers and ten toes all accounted for. Tears began to stream down both women's cheeks and Josie pressed several kisses to Penelope's sweaty face, mumbling words of praise while the green-eyed woman just stared in disbelief at the incredibly small being that had just come out of her.

“He's beautiful.”

Josie gently stroked the newborn's nose, blocking out the noise from the nurses still moving around the room to enjoy their first few moments together as a family.

“Yea he is.”

Penelope just couldn't get over how something so perfect could've come from her, but then she remembered that he was half Josie's and suddenly she understood. The love she felt for her wife had always been intense and absolute but what she was feeling right now for this tiny human was something else entirely.

“_We_ did this. Can you believe that _we_ made him.”

Brown eyes met green and both women smiled softly at each other. Out of every accomplishment they had ever achieved this little boy was by far the greatest. He was a perfect mixture of the two of them, something tangible and living that would exist no matter what happened a few years from then. He was their legacy and completed them in a way that nothing else ever had.

“Happy birthday Casey Joseph Saltzman.”

~~~6months~~~

“Shhh baby you're okay, mama's here.”

Penelope yawned stumbling through the darkened nursery while trying to calm the crying child before she'd even reached him. Peaking over the side of the crib she smiled when she saw that Casey's cries had turned into soft babbles after hearing her voice. The little boy was normally pretty good about sleeping through the night, only waking up once to be fed and changed. Josie and Penelope considered themselves lucky. He was perfect in every sense of the word.

“Are you hungry sweetheart? Hold on mama will feed you.”

Penelope lifted the child into her arms before making her way over to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. It never failed to amaze her how natural it felt to have his tiny body pressed against her chest. Throughout most of her pregnancy, she had thought of him as a 'bad idea', now she couldn't imagine her life without him.

She settled the infant and helped him to latch on then relaxed sitting back to let him drink. Having a baby seemed to make time move even faster than it had been before. It was like they blinked and suddenly their newborn was already 16 pounds and half a year old. What would normally be a sort of melancholy feeling that filled parents watching their child grow was instead a severe concern and almost panic that plagued most of Penelope's thoughts. They had less than a year left until the merge and that fact was only becoming more apparent as the days flew past.

The young woman stroked Casey's cheek his big brown eyes staring up at her, wide and bright, they reminded her so much of her wife. In fact there was a lot about the baby that reminded her of Josie and for that Penelope was grateful. She'd been worried that their son would come out looking more like herself since she'd carried him but it seemed like Josie had some pretty dominant genes because he could honestly be her mini doppelganger. From his dark brown wavy hair to his big chocolate eyes and even his dimpled chin and chubby cheeks. He had Penelope's light caramel complexion but the rest was all the siphoner. His personality so far seemed to mimic Josie's as well. Casey was such a happy baby always smiling and babbling. He loved to be held and kissed and he wasn't afraid of strangers in the slightest. His laugh carried the same sweet twinkle that had always stood out about Josie's. And on the rare occasions that he did get upset his resting pouty face was just as adorable as his mother's. The couple had succeeded in creating the perfect Josette Saltzman clone without even trying and Penelope couldn't be happier about it.

“You're pretty amazing, you know that?”

She whispered quietly when Casey grabbed her finger into his tiny fist. He squeezed it tightly, his suckling beginning to slow.

“I don't know how I got so lucky to have you and your mommy. I don't know what I did to deserve you but I am so thankful that you're here. You have no idea how much I love you, how much I love both of you. Honestly, it's probably a little unhealthy.”

The baby listened to his mother speak to him, his eyes becoming heavier as her soft voice lulled him to sleep.

Penelope smiled to herself. It was true her love for her family was unending, she would do anything for her wife and son, would sacrifice everything if it meant they would be happy. She knew she'd gone soft after she and Josie had gotten back together, her inability to ever say no to the brunette proved that. But now after having Casey she was basically marshmallow fluff. Hope liked to make fun of her for it but she didn't care. She knew she was a mushy sappy mess but she also knew that other people were envious of her happiness. Who doesn't want a gorgeous loving wife and a beautiful baby to come home to every day? Hell, even she'd be green with jealousy if it wasn't her own life.

“Can I tell you something?”

The child was fast asleep now and she knew it. His light snores and the steady rocking of her chair were the only sounds filling the small space. The rest of the house completely silent which made sense since it was well after 2am. Still, Penelope felt the need to share what was on her mind and what better time to do that then when she was alone and no one could hear.

“I'm really scared.”

The witch adjusted her son and fixed her pajama top to cover herself then sucked in a short breath of air.

“I'm scared of what life will be like for us if your mommy doesn't make it and I'm scared of how painful I know it will be to lose her.”

Penelope was strong, it takes a lot to really hurt her. She'd always had a high pain tolerance and so far the only time she'd ever really felt completely overwhelmed by pain was when she'd given birth. But she knew that losing her wife was going to be an entirely different level of hurt, one that she had absolutely no experience with and that terrified her.

She looked down at the sleeping baby in her arms, the one that looked so much like Josie it made her heart clench.

“I'm scared that you won't ever really get to meet her. That you'll grow up with nothing more than photos and old videos and they won't be enough. I want you to know her, you deserve to know her because she's incredible and she loves you so much too.”

If Josie died Casey would only be a year old and no one remembers anything from their first year of life. That thought made Penelope sick, her own child wouldn't know his mother. 

She sighed and lightly smoothed a few strands of Casey's baby soft hair between her fingers.

“But mostly,”

Her voice so quiet now it was almost inaudible.

“I'm scared that I won't be good enough for you by myself.”

Penelope sniffled lightly and slowed her rocking. Looking up to the ceiling, she blinked a few times forcing her tears back. With the amount she's cried over the last four years she's surprised she hasn't died of dehydration yet.

“I promise I'll try. I promise I'll do my best without her. I know it won't be perfect because I'm not perfect but you'll be happy, I promise.”

She shifted his small body again bringing him up to lay his head against her shoulder so she could bury her face into the side of his little neck. She breathed in the sweet smell of the baby soap Josie had bathed him with earlier that night and felt herself relax a bit. Casey let out a small huff at the movement but didn't stir anymore. Penelope just sat there for a few minutes enjoying the peaceful quiet and the comforting weight of the baby in her arms.

She probably would've stayed like that for the rest of the night too if not for the fact that her eyes were beginning to close of their own volition and her heart was yearning to be close to the sleeping woman in her bed. Lately it had been harder for her to be away from Josie for extended amounts of time, even ten minutes felt like an eternity. She was constantly overwhelmed with the desire to be near her and it seemed like Josie felt the same way because it was increasingly rare to ever see them apart.

Slowly she stood from the rocking chair, careful not to wake the sleeping child. She walked the few steps back to his crib and stood over it for a moment. Placing a gentle kiss to his forehead she lowered the baby onto his back then quietly slipped out of the nursery.

Josie was still on her side of the bed when Penelope rejoined her. She rolled over immediately though, curling into the raven-haired girl's chest and Penelope wrapped her arms around the cuddly woman.

“Hey, is he okay?”

Her voice was thick and raspy and it was obvious that she was only half awake.

“Yea Casey's fine, go back to sleep.”

Penelope kissed the top of her wife's head, running her hand up and down her back in a soothing motion.

Even in her barely conscious state, Josie could still make out the slightly sad tone to the other woman's voice and she lifted her head to look down at her wife.

“Are _you_ okay?”

Her words were quiet but worried and Penelope smiled softly at her concern before gently shushing her and guiding her head back down to her chest which Josie allowed with little resistance.

“I am now.”

The brunette cuddled back into her wife's side letting out a small sigh.

“I love you.”

She mumbled and not more than a minute later her light snoring filled the dark room.

Penelope tightened her hold on the siphoner and closed her own eyes, ready for sleep to take her as well.

“I love you too.”

~~~6months~~~

“I still can't believe how much effort you guys are putting into this party.”

Hope sat on the couch of Penelope's living room taking in their surroundings.

“I mean he's one, it's not like he's going to remember any of this anyway.”

She was referring to the large number of guests they had invited over to their home to celebrate. Many of whom were friends and family but others were mere acquaintances that Josie had met from taking Casey to different 'mommy and me' groups.

Penelope shrugged, she agreed it was a lot. They'd really gone all out with the food and the decorations and there were more sticky children and pretentious soccer moms in her house than she felt truly comfortable with but this is what Josie had wanted. She'd wanted a big blow out party for their son's first birthday and since she might not be around to see his second Penelope wasn't going to say no.

“Whatever, as long as my wife and kid are happy then I'm happy.”

Penelope grinned watching as across the room Casey took a few wobbly steps away from Caroline and into Alaric's waiting arms.

“You're such a sap.”

Hope shoved the green-eyed witch with her shoulder and both women chuckled. It was definitely the truth and if sixteen-year-old Penelope Park could see her future self she'd probably be embarrassed. But the joy the witch was exuding right then was palpable and Hope couldn't help but feel incredibly proud and happy for her best friend.

In the kitchen, Josie pulled the light blue frosted birthday cake from the fridge and set it on the counter. The large red loopy letters made her smile when she remembered her wife's insistence that they bake the cake themselves because in her words “they taste so much better when they're homemade”. Josie just thought it was an excuse for Penelope to get to eat the raw batter and make a mess and she was right. Still, the cake came out better than either of them had guessed it would and it was cute.

“Do you want any help?”

Josie lifted her head and gave her sister a soft smile when she saw her standing in the doorway. Lizzie had already put in quite a bit of effort helping to plan and prepare the party today. And much like they're wedding she'd done a great job.

“If you want to grab the candles from the top drawer over there. I just want to get everything ready for when we sing soon.”

Lizzie nodded at the brunette's words doing as her twin asked and handed the package of pastel-colored candles to her. Josie ripped the package open and began placing them in different spots on the cake, careful not to mess up any of Penelope's cursive print.

Watching her sister diligently perform such a simple yet meaningful task filled the blond with a strong sense of guilt. It was a feeling that had been accompanying her over the last few years of their lives but had increased tenfold after Josie had gotten married and even more so after Casey had been born. Lizzie could feel it gnawing away at her stomach, a little more every day and it was driving her insane. She felt it anytime she saw the brunette kiss Penelope or hold Casey. This guilt over the fact that one day very soon she might be the one responsible for taking her away from them. She could barely look her sister in-law or baby nephew in the eyes lately because of it. 

That's why she'd worked so hard on the wedding and helping Josie find a way to conceive Casey and now his first birthday. She wanted to do anything she could, help her sister in any way that might make her happy. It also kept her busy and when she was busy then her mind didn't wander as much to topics that she didn't want to think about. Like how this was only her nephew's first birthday and yet her sister might not be alive to see another.

“Liz, what's wrong?”

Josie looked at her, concern evident in her eyes. Lost in the dark spaces of her mind Lizzie hadn't realized that she'd completely spaced out. Josie placed a comforting hand on her sister's arm and squeezed it gently to encourage her to speak but just as the blond opened her mouth a cry rang out through the house.

“Aww Casey it's okay you're okay baby.”

The two women could hear Penelope in the other room attempting to soothe the baby after whatever had just happened. Most likely he'd fallen, he still wasn't very stable on his legs yet because he'd only recently began to walk. They both stepped out into the hall where they could see the raven-haired witch bouncing the child in her arms gently and talking to him as his cries quieted down. She smiled when she saw Josie then pointed to her so that Casey would see her too and started waving.

“Look baby, there's mommy. Say hi mommy, I'm okay, no more tears.” Josie smiled and waved back to her son who was now grinning at the sight of her. He tried to mimic their movements and giggled, his fall now long forgotten.

“Mamamama.” He babbled lifting his arms in the air and bringing them back down in a flapping motion and both Penelope and Josie melted at the sound. He still couldn't speak much but just the fact that he knew their titles and tried to say it was so sweet.

Someone called for Penelope and Casey's attention then and the witch gave her wife a final wave before making her way back towards their guests.

“Alright so wha- Lizzie!?”

Josie had turned back to her sister only to see the siphoner's face was now soaked in tears. Lizzie didn't even try to hide it, she gave her sister a sad hollow look then moved back into the kitchen. Josie followed quickly behind and without another word gathered the blond into her arms as she continued to sob into her chest.

“Shhh. It's okay, I'm here, you'll be okay. Just breathe Lizzie breathe.”

The brunette had no idea what was going on but she had a lot of experience dealing with her twin's meltdowns from when they were kids. Nowadays the one she spent most of her time comforting was her wife but that didn't mean she'd forgotten how to care for the other girl too.

They stood like that for a while, Lizzie in Josie's arms while the younger twin continued to softly shush her and rub her back. When she'd managed to calm herself down enough and the tears were no longer falling, Lizzie moved away from her sister so she could look at her.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to breakdown like that.”

Josie's heart broke hearing the strain in the other woman's voice. She hated witnessing anyone she loved in pain, especially when she didn't know the reason behind it.

“You don't have to apologize but could you maybe tell me why you're so upset?”

Lizzie stared at her for a moment then let out a defeated sigh. She walked over to the centre island and took a seat on one of the tall stools, motioning for Josie to follow her. She did and the two sat in silence while Lizzie gathered her thoughts, the noise from the party ignored for the time being.

“I've just been thinking lately about us and the merge. We only have like two months left Jo and-”

Lizzie's voice cracked and Josie grasped her hand in her own, giving it a tight squeeze. Their eyes met and the blond took another breath and squeezed back.

“You can't die Josie.”

Josie felt her heart stop for a second then speed up. In the years since finding out about the merge the girls hadn't actually spoken that much about it. They'd talked briefly when they decided at eighteen that they wanted to stop the search for the cure but since then it had been radio silence on both ends. Josie mostly blamed herself for that. She'd been so busy worrying about how her 22nd birthday was going to affect Penelope that she'd forgotten to consider the feelings of the other person involved in that day.

“Lizzie what? Where is this coming from?”

The blond witch looked past her sister's shoulder at the large framed photo hanging on the wall behind her. It was a picture of Josie and Penelope a week after Casey was born. They sat all cuddled together on one of the benches outside of Salvatore school where they had met. Casey was asleep in the brunette's arms and both women leaned in closely smiling sweetly at each other. Caroline had taken the photo, it was one of many that they all tried to capture for the little family upon Josie's insistence. Which made sense, the siphoner wanted to make sure that if she died then her wife and child would have memories to look back on, especially Casey though because he wouldn't even remember her.

“When the merge happens and we fight Josie, you have to win. You can't hold back and try to be the selfless one. You have to live because you have too much to lose.”

Josie opened her mouth to speak but Lizzie shook her head.

“No, I don't want you to argue with me about this. I can't stand by and watch you sacrifice yourself for me because I know you Jo and I know that's something you would do. You have a wife and a baby, a family who loves you and needs you here. I don't. You have to live for them, please.”

_I can't be responsible for taking you from them, _were the words she left unspoken but Josie still heard them loud and clear. Lizzie couldn't handle the guilt she was feeling about potentially killing her and she understood that because Josie felt the same way. No one wants to imagine murdering their own sibling but for one of the Saltzman twins soon that would be their reality.

Josie reached up her hand that wasn't entangled with Lizzie's and brushed away a few stray tears from the blond's face. She cupped her sister's cheek gently and offered her a sad smile.

“Lizzie that's not fair and you know it.”

Blue watery eyes stared into brown both filled with more remorse than either of them had the strength to bear.

“You can't limit your worth just because you haven't settled down yet. That doesn't even make any sense. Liz, you are just as important as I am and losing you would hurt everyone just as badly so please stop thinking otherwise.”

Obviously Lizzie couldn't help it that she felt the way she did but if she was the one who survived the merge then Josie didn't want her to live the rest of her life carrying all of this regret. It would only drag her down and she deserved to live free of all this pain.

“You're right, I do have an amazing baby and a wonderful wife. I'm happier than I ever imagined I would be and I have everything I could've asked for. I wouldn't choose to lose any of it Lizzie and believe me the last thing I want is to hurt them by not being here.”

Tears rolled down both their faces now and Josie really hoped that no one walked into the kitchen anytime soon. They were a mess but this conversation needed to happen and they weren't going to end it now.

“I want to live. I want to be here to watch my son grow up and to possibly give him a little sister or brother. I want to be here to take him to his first day of school and to teach him how to ride a bike. I want to hold Penelope when she cries at his graduation and laugh when she gives a cheesy toast at his wedding. I want to grow old with my wife and see what the future has planned for all of us.”

Lizzie's mouth dropped open a little at her sister's confession and she fought against the urge she felt to tackle the other woman and never let her go. She wanted all of those things for Josie too, so much so that she'd willingly die if it meant her sister got all of it. She went to speak but this time it was the brunette who shook her head, she wasn't finished yet.

“But more than any of that Lizzie, I want you to be happy. You deserve a chance to have what I was lucky enough to find at fifteen years old. I want you to meet someone who turns your whole world upside down like Penelope did for me. Someone who drives you absolutely insane with both anger and passion. Someone who breaks your heart but then moves mountains to make things right. Someone who loves you with every fiber of their being and who you love just as much. You deserve that Lizzie, a true soulmate. I found mine, I married her and now I have a beautiful little boy with her.”

Then things started to make a little more sense to Lizzie. She'd always understood that the reason why Josie rushed things in her relationship with Penelope was because they had limited time together. She thought that if Josie could have then she would've went slow and enjoyed the process of growing up, exploring and finding herself before meeting the love of her life and settling down. Lizzie had always felt bad that her sister had felt the need to move so quickly but now she understood that Josie didn't feel upset about it at all. Sure maybe things had happened faster than she would've liked but for Josie what she had right now was all she had ever wanted and she'd known that since she was a teenager. This had always been her plan and she'd managed to achieve all of it in only five years. Lizzie had no reason to feel guilty because to Josie her life was already complete.

“Please don't think that if I die then you've somehow robbed me of my chance to live because sweetie I've already lived. Maybe not as much as I would want but definitely more than I thought I would get to. Now you deserve to as well.”

Josie finished speaking and Lizzie pulled her sister into a tight hug. They both squeezed each other so hard it borderlined suffocation but neither of them cared.

“I love you.”

Lizzie mumbled into her sister's hair and Josie smiled.

“I love you too, but don't think that this means when the time comes I'm not going to throw everything I've got at you.”

They both chuckled pulling apart and wiping the tears from their faces.

“I wouldn't expect any less.”

Lizzie smiled back and winked at her.

A few minutes later the twins had made themselves look presentable again and after making sure that everything was ready they lit the candles on top of the homemade birthday cake and walked out into the dining room where everyone had gathered and began to sing.

**Happy Birthday to you!**

**Happy Birthday to you!**

Penelope caught her wife's eye as she walked in and smiled widely. She sat at the head of the table with Casey in her lap clapping and laughing wildly as everyone sang around him. He had no idea what was happening but he seemed to be really enjoying himself anyway. Penelope laughed too then placed a big kiss on the baby's cheek and tickled his stomach. It made Josie's heart swell watching the two of them interact together and if she could she'd freeze the moment right there.

**Happy Birthday, dear Casey!**

**Happy Birthday to you!**

As she sat the cake down in front of her wife and baby she listened as Penelope told him to close his eyes and make a wish. He did close them but then just continued giggling so Josie took it upon herself to make the wish for him, she didn't think he would mind anyway. The only thing in the world she wanted right now was obvious and also more than likely impossible, still, it was worth a try. After all, there's nothing more magical than a wish made on a first birthday. She and Penelope leaned in at the same time and blew out the candles together which caused everyone to start clapping and cheering the little boy's name. They smiled at each other and Josie couldn't help but wonder if Penelope had made the same wish she had and if maybe it just might come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter will be posted soon
> 
> Don't forget to kudos/comment :)  
Twitter: @pxnelopepark


	5. Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we've reached the end of the most upsetting fic I've ever written.  
I'm just gonna warn you now, this chapter is heartbreaking. I cried writing it and now I'm depressed because of it  
When I first thought up this story I really did not anticipate it being this freaking sad but oh well.  
I highly recommend having some tissues and either a teddy bear or a friend to hug while you read this. 
> 
> warning: major character death  
I am sorry

The room was dark and almost completely silent but it felt like somewhere in the not too far off distance a giant pendulum was swinging back and forth marking the passage of each second. The clock on their bedside table said 11:45pm which meant they only had fifteen minutes until midnight and fifteen minutes until Josie's 22nd birthday.

The brunette laid on her back in the center of their bed with Casey sleeping on her chest and Penelope curled into her side, her arm draped protectively over Josie and the baby. But the green-eyed witch wasn't asleep, far from it actually. Neither woman wanted to close their eyes right now for fear of losing even a single moment with each other.

They'd spent the last week surrounded by their family and friends. The Saltzman twins tried to soak up and give as much love and attention as they could just in case they didn't have another chance. Caroline and Alaric had both cried but everyone else's eyes had remained fairly dry, until today. Because as much as Penelope had cried over the last four years, it was nothing compared to the floods that she'd been unleashing since she woke up this morning, their last morning. This, of course, had lead to their son spending the majority of the day in tears as well. It's no question that he could feel the tension and sadness in the air, it was palpable. Josie had tried her best to soothe her wife and child but Penelope had remained inconsolable until around 8pm when she'd finally cried herself out and Casey had fallen asleep soon after. Josie had taken both of them to bed and that's where they've been for the last several hours. No one, not even her parents had dared to bother them today. Most likely because they knew that the small family of three needed to be alone and for that the siphoner was grateful.

The silence of the room was a welcome change but it brought with it the knowledge that they still had so much left to say. Words that if not spoken soon may never get another chance to be heard.

Penelope's fingers traced small circles into Josie's arm, her breath warm against the brunette's neck. They were so close that every time her wife blinked Josie could feel her eyelashes brush against her skin. It was nice though, the closeness, it made them feel as if for just tonight their bodies could meld together.

“Josie,”

Penelope breathed out and if she could look into her eyes without moving Josie would but as it was she was too comfortable and warm to bother and it seemed like the green-eyed witch felt the same.

“You're going to try tomorrow right? Please tell me that you're not just gonna lay down and let it happen. Promise that you'll fight for us.”

Josie could hear the tears in Penelope's voice and her heart clenched painfully at the sound. This wasn't the first time they'd had a conversation like this where Penelope told her she needed to 'win' the merge but usually, Josie didn't say anything in response. She just let the raven-haired girl speak, held her while she cried, then gently changed the conversation. Not because she didn't care about what Penelope was saying but simply because she knew that whatever she said back wouldn't change the fact that whatever was going to happen would happen no matter what promises she made.

“Oh Pen.”

She sighed quietly and could feel Penelope's hold tighten around her, could feel as her tears began to fall again and her neck became damp. Josie wouldn't be surprised if the smaller woman woke up with a headache in the morning from the amount of crying she'd done today. She must be exhausted and the brunette just wished she would let her body sleep. Penelope needed rest, needed her strength because if Josie wasn't the one who made it out alive tomorrow it was going to take everything the witch had not to collapse beside her wife's body.

“Please JoJo, please.”

It was a well-known fact that Penelope Park never begged for anything. If she wanted something it was handed to her or she just took it, begging was not usually in her vocabulary except for where Josie was concerned. Right now she didn't care if her pleading was beneath her, all that mattered was the siphoner staying alive and Penelope would cry, beg and pray as much as she had to in order to make that happen.

Casey shifted in his sleep hearing his mother's words and Josie gently shushed him, rubbing his back to keep him calm. The last thing she wanted was for both of the loves of her life to be in tears again. She sat up slowly, carefully extracting herself from Penelope's tight embrace to lean over and place the baby into his playpen which they'd set up beside their bed for the night so that they could all be together. Once her arms were free Josie immediately pulled Penelope into her and held the other woman's body as close to her own as she could. The action soothed the witch almost instantly and her quiet sobs turned into small sniffles.

Penelope listened to the soft rhythm of Josie's heart. She counted the beats and allowed them to bring her peace in knowing that the brunette was still safe and alive for now.

They didn't speak for a minute, both content to just lay there as the time passed far too quickly on the clock next to them.

Josie ran her fingers through Penelope's hair, gently scratching her nails against her scalp in the way she knows her wife likes. Glancing down at the woman she loves she thinks about her words carefully, knowing that there is still something she needs to say, however painful it may be and time is running out so she clears her throat,

“The night before you came back, you remember I had just broken up with my ex. I felt like it wasn't fair of me to continue to date someone I didn't really love because my heart was all the way in Belgium.”

The green-eyed witch paid attention to Josie as she spoke, breathing softly and continuing to feel the thumps in her chest. Of course she had never met her wife's ex, he'd been nothing but a distant memory by the time she had come back to Mystic Falls, but Josie had told her about him a few times, wanting to be honest and open about everything. Penelope wasn't overly happy that Josie had tried to move on from her but she did find a bit of pleasure in the fact that brunette hadn't really been able to, thus why she'd ended it with the boy. None of that really mattered now anyway, Josie was hers and hers alone, they were made for each other and they both knew it so it was pointless to be jealous about the past.

Josie waited to see if Penelope would react to her words but the raven-haired girl didn't move, she wasn't even looking at her. Josie stopped brushing through her hair and moved her hand to rest on Penelope's cheek, gently raising her face so she could see her eyes. She needed to know that the smaller woman was really hearing what she was going to say next. Her skin was soft and warm to the touch and when their eyes met it was like they were peeking into each other's souls.

“I was a mess without you and even though I wanted to stop loving you I couldn't. And the harder I tried the more it broke me, so I stopped trying. I made a promise to whatever being controls our fate that if they brought you back then I would accept whatever end they gave me. As long as I got to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Josie remembers that night clearly, laying in her bed after leaving her ex. She cried but not because she was sad that the relationship ended, it had been over before it even started. She cried because there was a hole in her heart that only a certain sarcastic witch with emerald eyes could fill. She remembers breaking down and praying to whoever was listening for another chance with the girl she loved. She needed Penelope, craved her and knowing that at the time she might only have a few years left there had been nothing she wanted more than the smaller woman in her arms.

Penelope blinks. She understands Josie's words because she'd felt similarly when she'd been in Europe. The intense desire she'd had to be with the brunette had been so overpowering that she'd been tempted to leave her school halfway through the term just to return to her. She'd made a plea similar to Josie's, promising basically everything she had if they could be together again. The fact that Josie had been willing to give up her life for their relationship made her feel uneasy but she could relate because at the time she probably would've done the same.

She places a kiss on Josie's shoulder, feels her body shudder under her lips. The siphoner offers her a small smile and gently strokes her cheek.

“If I don't make it tomorrow then I got my wish Pen. I got you back, I married you, I have a gorgeous child with you and I spent the five greatest years of my life by your side.”

She pauses again and can feel her own tears building. She hasn't cried yet today, hasn't had a chance to. She'd been so busy trying to alleviate her family's pain that she hadn't had time to feel her own. She never thought it would be possible to love another person as much as she loves her wife, never thought she would ever have someone that she could be so connected to. She really didn't want to leave her and that much was obvious but Josie had accepted her fate a long time ago and if this was all the time she had left then she had to be okay with that.

“I love you so much Penelope and I would give anything to get to spend the next sixty years here with you and Casey. I promise that tomorrow I will fight for him, for you, for us. But even if these last few years was all we were allowed and this is truly it for us then I can't really ask for anything else because you've already given me more than I could've ever imagined.”

Her tears fall freely now and she can't do anything to stop them. She can feel Penelope's arms squeeze her in comfort before soft lips are placed upon her own. They melt into each other trying to convey all of their feelings in that kiss, lips moving gently against each other. Josie's hands run down Penelope's sides and the raven-haired witch crawls upwards so that their bodies can be aligned. They press together tightly, feeling every curve and swell, feeling the pounding of each other's hearts through their chests. And as she holds the woman she loves more than life itself Penelope can't help but be reminded just how selfless Josette Saltzman is to be content with what they've been given and to not beg for more. The heat coming off of them both is comforting and she doesn't ever want it to end but she knows that at some point it has to, not just because they would need to breathe eventually but because time was running out and soon they would have to face what lays ahead.

A faint vibrating arose from the quiet room, it's the sound of Josie's phone on the nightstand. Reluctantly they pull apart and the siphoner reaches for it only to see her sister's name flashing across the screen. She sucks in a breath-catching a glimpse of the time in large bright numbers next to Lizzie's name. Slowly she accepts the call and raises the phone to her ear.

Penelope knows that the only reason the blond would be calling now is if it was after midnight and a quick glance to the clock confirms her fear. 12:07am glares back at her and she can't help the feeling of dread that settles into her stomach. Time was up and Fate was coming to collect her dues whether they wanted it to or not.

“Happy Birthday JoJo.”

~~~~~~

Nobody ever tells you how hard it is to choose the most appropriate shade of black to wear to a funeral. Because if you didn't know, black isn't just black, there's ebony, charcoal, taupe, onyx and so many more variations of the color. It had taken Penelope hours to choose the right one, Hope had helped. The dress they settled on was a little snug around her hips but when she'd bought it she remembered it had fit perfectly. That had been three years ago though and she hadn't given birth at that point so her body was still the petite frame she'd had as a teen. She was a little older now, a little fuller, not overweight, just more grown-up with curves that had come with age and being a mother. Josie loved it, she had always thought Penelope was beautiful no matter what but now she just looked more mature and there was something extremely attractive about that.

Penelope smiled softly to herself thinking about the many compliments her wife would give her on a daily basis especially while she had been pregnant and a bit insecure. Josie never failed to make her feel like the most important girl in the room and right now she would give anything to have her whispering those words of confidence into her ear.

Standing at the back of the church the witch watched as her mother-in-law cried into Alaric's shoulder. They held each other tightly, Casey squeezed between them for support. Penelope had relinquished her hold on the baby at the beginning of the service, knowing that everyone there could use some of his sweet cuddles. She would be the one going home with him and could hold him for the rest of the night if she wanted to (and she would) but for now it seemed only fair to let the others have a turn. He was very well behaved today and Penelope was proud of that, she knew that it was mostly due to the fact that he didn't know what was happening, he was lucky in that sense. Death was something that even at twenty-two Penelope still didn't completely understand but she did understand pain and right now she was feeling an indescribable amount of it.

Nothing could have prepared her for this day. No amount of future planning or heartfelt discussions could've lessened the brutal impact her heart felt like it had taken. She'd been right when she'd thought that this was going to be the most difficult thing she'd ever have to do. She'd literally rather someone saw off her own arm right now than be here, it would hurt less.

But she'd made a vow to stand beside the woman she loved for better or for worse, through sickness and in health, till death would they part and she was going to follow through with that no matter what.

Her parents had already spoken to her, hugged her and promised to do whatever they could to help. She appreciated that, appreciated them. Caroline and Alaric had said the same thing, even offering to take Casey for a few days if she wanted to be alone to mourn but Penelope had just politely declined them. She was grateful that everyone wanted to make this easier for her but in reality there was no way to make this easier, no way to make her feel better. Penelope had lost a part of her soul and had buried it today, she would never get it back and the pain would not be eased by pleasant words and well wishes.

The service was almost over now, the turn out had been rather remarkable but then she shouldn't really be surprised, Josie was loved by everyone she met. Most of the guests aside from close friends and family had gone home and Penelope was exhausted. She hadn't cried since the night before everything happened. The morning when they had gotten ready she didn't cry, when she kissed her wife for the final time she didn't cry, even when she watched Josie fall in defeat she hadn't cried and Penelope wondered if maybe it was because she had quite literally cried herself out over the course of the last few years. When they'd lowered Josie's coffin into the ground beside her biological mother's grave, Penelope had watched on with dry eyes. The pain in her chest overwhelming but somehow not manifesting on her face. She could feel her heart snapping in half irreparably but she couldn't show it and now she was ready to sleep for a very long time. She felt like she deserved a little peace of her own.

“Penelope.”

She'd been so lost in her own thoughts that Penelope hadn't even seen the blond woman walk up to her. She stood rigidly trying not to grimace at the sight. Lizzie Saltzman was a mess and she had been for days. Her eyes were red and swollen and it was obvious she'd spent more time crying than not. Her hair was falling out of the updo she'd attempted and her blouse was wrinkled. She wasn't wearing any makeup and Penelope had the fleeting thought that this was one of the only times she'd ever seen the girl bare-faced.

Lizzie looked away as soon as Penelope's gaze met her own, too ashamed to even make eye contact with her sister's wife. She wrung her hands feeling incredibly nervous and even being in close proximity to the green-eyed girl was enough to make her start crying all over again.

“I-.”

She choked back a sob, struggling to say the words she'd formed in her mind. It had taken her all day to work up the nerve to approach the other woman and now that she had she didn't think she could speak. She was hurting so badly, probably more than anyone else in the room, maybe even more than Penelope. She felt responsible, guilty for killing Josie. As if it were somehow her fault that the merge had happened even though she couldn't control the events of that day any more than the rest of them could have. Josie had told her that whatever the outcome she shouldn't blame herself but that was a lot easier said than done especially when she knew that now her sister in law and nephew were left without the person they loved most. She felt bad, evil, like a murderer and the guilt of it all was gnawing away at her to the point that she hadn't slept, hadn't eaten in days. She didn't feel like she deserved to live when Josie was dead. She would do anything to trade places with the brunette in the coffin, would literally take her own life if it meant that Josie would come back. She wanted to be punished, felt like she deserved to be, which is part of the reason why she'd finally walked up to Penelope. She was hoping that the raven-haired woman would lash out, yell, strike her, something to make her feel like she was getting what she felt she deserved.

So it was shocking, to say the least when instead of screaming in her face Penelope reached out and pulled Lizzie into her arms.

“Hush, don't say anything, I already know what you're thinking, but you shouldn't because you have nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault Lizzie, it's not your fault.”

Penelope murmured softly, leading Lizzie to sit in one of the pews then holding her against her chest. Lizzie broke down and became limp in her embrace, sobbing into Penelope with everything she had left and the witch just tightened her hold. She'd known what the siphoner was going to say to her as soon as she walked up and Lizzie didn't owe her any apologies. It hurt Penelope even more to know that the poor woman blamed herself for all of this. Even though they hadn't gotten along as teens they were close now and Penelope cared deeply for her and she knew that it was mutual. She couldn't imagine how the blond was feeling, couldn't imagine what it was like to have no choice in the death of her own twin. Penelope had lost a lot but Lizzie had lost just as much and that wasn't something she could ignore.

She stroked Lizzie's hair in the way Josie used to do to her, brushing through the tangles she hadn't bothered to brush out herself. They sat like that until Lizzie composed herself, no one approached them, letting the two girls have this moment. When Lizzie finally pulled back Penelope's dress was damp with her tears but it was obvious that a small bit of weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She could actually look Penelope in the eyes now and it seemed like even though she still had a long way to go maybe she was finally on the right path to healing.

“Thank you.”

Lizzie spoke softly and Penelope could now see sorrow, grief, love and a bit of hope in her blue eyes. It wasn't perfect but she would be okay, they would be okay, one day.

Penelope gave her a small smile and patted her knee gently. From her peripheral vision, she saw Casey being passed from her mother back into the arms of Caroline and Penelope subtly gestured with her head in their direction.

“Why don't you go spend some time with Casey, I'm sure he would love to see his favorite aunt.”

Lizzie nodded and there was the most subtle upwards pull at the corners of her lips before she was standing.

“If you need anything Penelope, and I mean anything, please know that I'm here for you and the baby, always.”

She turned then and Penelope watched as she walked over to their mothers and stuck her arms out for the little boy who gladly went to his aunt without hesitation.

Penelope didn't make any move to get up, the fatigue she'd been feeling all day was catching up to her and she was ready to lean her head back and sleep. She knew that she still had other obligations to attend to seeing as she was the widow of the deceased but maybe it would be okay for her to rest just for a moment.

“Hey sleepyhead.”

A voice cut through her tired state and she reluctantly opened her eyes again to see her best friend taking a seat next to her.

“Hey yourself.”

She smiled faintly and Hope returned the expression.

Penelope wasn't sure if she would have been able to survive the last few days without the tribrid. The redhead had spent practically every moment at her side since the twin's birthday and Penelope was extremely grateful. Everything from planning the funeral to picking a coffin and even waking up in the night with Casey seemed almost impossible but Hope had been there, never judging or questioning her choices, simply offering her unconditional love and support. Penelope was lucky to have her and she knew it.

“I saw you talking to Lizzie, are you two okay?”

“Yea, I think so.”

Hope nodded, the answer sufficient enough for her to not ask anything else about it. That's how she'd been with Penelope all week, never pushing her to talk or asking if she was okay. Hope knew she wasn't okay, she'd just lost her wife, the poor girl was broken and she understood that feeling better than most. Instead of asking she just listened, if Penelope wanted to share her thoughts then she would when she was ready. As long as the witch kept getting out of bed in the mornings and didn't stop taking care of Casey then Hope saw no reason to push her. She was doing as well as could be expected and that was enough for the Mikaelson.

Hope shifted then in her seat, their shoulders brushing against each other with the movement as she reached into the bag she'd placed beside her that Penelope hadn't noticed when she'd first sat down.

“I have something for you.”

Penelope watched as the tribrid produced a square-shaped object wrapped in pastel green paper and handed it to her. It felt rather heavy in her hands considering it's small size and the raven-haired girl was fairly certain that it was a book of some kind.

“It's from Josie. She gave it to me last month and asked me to hold onto it, just in case.”

_In case she died, _Penelope finished in her head and continued to look at the gift in her lap. She turned to Hope with a questioning gaze, one that seemed to ask why? Exactly what she wanted to know she wasn't sure but Hope simply shrugged her shoulders anyway, not having the answers Penelope needed no matter how badly she wished she did.

“You should open it.”

Hope said softly, her voice gentle like a caress.

“It was obviously important to her that you got it.”

Penelope nodded in agreement. She would open it at home, delicately tear through the paper to see what her wife had left her, not that it would make much of a difference. Josie would still be gone. But this was something that the brunette had wanted and Penelope had never been able to deprive Josie of anything she asked of her and she wasn't going to start doing so now. No matter how painful it might be.

“Do you want me to stay over tonight?”

Concern shown brightly in Hope's blue eyes and Penelope knew that if she said yes then her friend wouldn't leave her side for the rest of the night, would probably climb into the bed with her like she'd been doing since the day it had happened. But that's not what Penelope wanted right now, she needed a little space, some time just to herself to really come to terms with the fact that her greatest fear had been realized. She was now a 22-year-old widowed mother.

The witch shook her head and gave Hope another sad smile.

“Maybe tomorrow, tonight I just want to be alone with my son.”

The redhead sighed in understanding, again she wouldn't push. But she would make herself available just in case Penelope changed her mind at any point during the evening. She could be at her house in minutes if the witch needed her. She'd made a promise to Penelope a while ago that she would always be there for her in whatever way the green-eyed girl wanted and she had meant it.

A beat passed and Hope leaned towards her friend placing a soft kiss on Penelope's cheek then took her hand into her own to intertwine their fingers and brought them both up to stand.

It was time to say their last goodbyes and finally lay the beautiful brunette with chocolate brown eyes to rest so that they could go home and start to begin the long, painful process of moving forward without her.

~~~~~~

When Penelope got home the first thing she did was change both Casey and herself into their pajamas, it wasn't that late but they were both tired and she wasn't planning on going out again anyway.

Casey babbled and smiled at her happily still blissfully unaware of the events of the day. As much as her heart was currently killing her it felt slightly better when she was with her son. Somehow just by existing he made her feel like maybe, just maybe she would be able to get through this nightmare alive and she loved him all the more for that.

Once they were both changed, clean and comfortable Penelope carried both the baby and the still wrapped gift to the couch in her living room. She sat down with both of them in her lap and chuckled lightly when Casey immediately tried to tear open the wrapping paper. It was clear that he still remembered doing so on his birthday and was eager to help his mother see whatever present was inside.

Together they removed the paper and revealed the hardcover of a thick lavender coloured photo album. In the center of the cover was a picture of the three of them taken at some point during the last few weeks before Josie had died. Penelope took a sharp intake of breath and allowed her fingers to trace the front of the book gently. She'd had no idea that her wife was making something like this for her and the fact that she had just meant that Josie had been preparing for her death for a while.

Flipping to the first page Penelope couldn't stop the unintentional laugh that escaped her lips seeing the young faces of her and Josie pressed together, cheek to cheek in their old Salvatore uniforms. They'd taken the picture a week after they had become official and it was the first photo they had of the two of them. Penelope hadn't known that the brunette had kept it all these years. They were so innocent and naive back then, no worries or cares and the merge wasn't even something they had heard of yet. It was young love and it was beautiful, she missed it.

Page after page of the album was filled with pictures of them at different ages and events. Most of them she didn't even know had been captured and Penelope realized that Josie must have enlisted the help of their family and friends to create this. Their trip to Europe, when they both had proposed, their wedding day, Casey's birth, everything was well documented and it was like watching the story of their lives in freeze frames.

She paused on a picture that Josie had obviously taken of the three of them in bed together. Penelope was asleep with Casey on her chest and Josie had leaned in with her eyes closed to kiss her cheek before snapping the shot. It was soft and sweet and one of those moments that you want to remember forever because of how simple yet happy you were during it. Her chest felt a little heavy looking at it but she didn't want to turn away.

Casey who had been relatively quiet and patient while his mother skimmed through the book reached out one of his chubby hands to point to Josie's face in the photo.

“Ma.”

He pointed again then twisted to look at Penelope. His eyes seemed to be asking her a question and she knew that he was trying to tell her that he wanted Josie.

“I'm sorry baby, mommy's not here anymore.”

His little head cocked to the side, not understanding her words so he pointed to the picture again.

“Ma.”

He said it a little louder and waited to see if this time Penelope would go and get the woman he wanted but the witch didn't move. She just smiled sadly at him then kissed his forehead.

“I know sweetheart, I miss her too.”

Casey grew frustrated at the fact that Josie still wasn't responding to his calls and his brown eyes began to water. That had Penelope immediately springing into action and she pulled the baby towards her, shushing and rocking him gently.

“You're okay Casey, you're okay, mama's got you.”

He whimpered lightly and the sound broke Penelope's already shattered heart even more. He may still be little but it seemed like her son was starting to grasp the seriousness of their situation and that his “Ma” was not coming home anytime soon. She hated that he was in pain and there was nothing she could do about it. She wished more than anything that she could make Josie appear right now, if not just for Casey to feel better. She didn't care about her own hurt, she could deal with it but he was just a baby and it wasn't fair that he had to suffer too.

After rocking them both and humming a quiet lullaby to soothe her son it didn't take long for his tears to dry and for him to move on from his meltdown.

Casey grabbed one of her hands in his own and began to play with her fingers, content again for the moment so Penelope turned her attention back to the book. She went to flip to another page when she noticed the yellow corner of an envelope peeking out from the back cover. Carefully she pulled it out and turned the object over in her hand. The neat cursive print of her wife's handwriting stared up at her and she smiled when she saw that it was addressed to _Penelope Saltzman_. Gently she opened it and took out the pieces of paper from within.

Josie had written her a letter.

Penelope bit her lip and blinked her eyes a few times. She could feel the familiar burn that warned her of impending tears but she did her best to stave them off while she looked at Josie's words. She'd put a lot of thought into it, that much was obvious as it was quite long but Penelope wasn't sure if she would be able to read it. Just knowing that the brunette had even taken the time to write out her final words was like another stab to Penelope's chest and she wasn't sure if she would be able to get through it without completely falling apart.

Casey wriggled in her lap and Penelope's attention was drawn from the letter and to her little boy. He was so young and something that she'd always been worried about since before he was born is that he wouldn't remember Josie when he grew up. The likely hood of that happening now was almost at one hundred percent and there was nothing she could do about it, other than never let Josie's memory die. Her wife had written this letter for her and their son so regardless of how difficult it may be Penelope owed it to the woman she loved to read it and to make sure that their little boy always knew that he was absolutely adored by not one but two mothers.

Penelope took a breath, squeezed Casey for support then set her eyes on the first line.

_Hi Pen,_

_I only saw it fitting that I write you back after the letter you gave me all those years ago on the steps of Salvatore. I know I didn't read yours until it was too late but I hope you'll find the time to read mine anyway. There are no words for me to describe how sorry I am that I'm not with you anymore. I promise that I never for a second wanted to leave and I would give anything to be there with you right now, but I'm not and I am so sorry for that sweetheart. Penelope you are literally the strongest person in the world and I know that the first few days are going to be so hard and you might want to give up but you can make it through this, you will make it through this. I never wanted to hurt you, I've always loved you so much it terrified me but what scared me the most was the fact that there was always a chance that I wouldn't be able to stay. You knew that from the beginning and yet you still chose to have a life with me, how crazy is that? Honey I need you to not close yourself off from our family, you are going to need them as much as they'll need you and trying to get through this alone just isn't an option. Lean on Hope, she loves you almost as much as I do and I know that she'll help you as long as you let her. Lizzie will probably need your support more than you'll need hers so please don't shut her out either. Love each other and take care of each other, please, for me._

_I want to thank you for being so understanding and for giving me everything I ever asked for and more. I know that this wasn't exactly how we envisioned our life together when we were fifteen but it has still been pretty perfect. Married at nineteen and mothers by twenty-one, we definitely rushed things but I wouldn't trade any of it. I had the most amazing life with you Penelope and even though time flew by far too quickly for us I'm still so grateful that we got to experience as much together as we did. I love you more than I can ever say, you're my soulmate and it doesn't matter if I'm there with you or not because that will never change._

_Please tell Casey that I am so proud that I got to be his mommy, even if only for a little while. He is honestly the greatest thing we've ever done and I can't believe that we created him. When he gets older and you tell him about me make sure he knows that I never planned on leaving him. Tell him that his mommy believes in every decision that he makes, good and bad and that I know he will achieve everything he dreams of. Don't be too hard on him when he makes a mistake, no one's perfect, look at us, and make sure you always celebrate the little victories. I hate that I'm going to miss so many of his milestones, I only hope that with every one he reaches you feel nothing but pride. I wish I could be there to see him grow up and become the incredible man that I know you will raise him to be because you're an amazing mother Penelope, please don't ever doubt that._

_I love you more than I could ever write in words and I'll always be here watching over you both. And maybe one day we'll see each other again, then you can tell me about all the amazing things I've missed and how wonderful your lives have been even though I wasn't there. Because my loves, what I want more than anything is for you to find happiness, so please try to and I'll be here waiting patiently for us to be together. This isn't goodbye sweethearts, it's just a farewell for now.”_

_All my love forevermore,_

_\- JoJo/Mommy_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we feeling? Is everyone still breathing? I know that was pretty heavy but we got through it so yay for us! 
> 
> Now because you all have been so awesome and because I really liked this fic I've decided that we deserve some fluff so I've started writing an alternate ending to this story where everyone is alive and happy. It's very soft and very cute so if you would be interested in reading that then let me know and I'll work on getting it posted.  
Thank you so much everyone for reading, I hope you enjoyed my work! <3
> 
> don't forget to kudos/comment :)  
twitter: @pxnelopepark


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